All posts by przxqgl

207

so i called the "free" counselling service, but after waiting on hold for a half an hour to speak to a receptionist to make an appointment with someone who is supposedly going to recommend that i see this "free" counsellor, i had to go back to work, so i never got ahywhere. i called the person who recommended this service to me, a friend of moe’s who said it was "an honour" to help me, but she’s on vacation until 11 september, so it doesn’t look like i’m going to get anywhere for a while. i suppose it would be easier if i didn’t have to have a job, but the people who have control over my life say that i’m not eligible to recieve disability benefits because of my work and how much i earn… which makes no sense whatsoever, because i originally applied for disability benefits last december, before i got my job, and i was unemployed for nine months before that, and i’ve only had sporadic employment since my injury… but these people, who don’t know me, are in charge of my life, and they say it is so, so it must be so. it’s a good thing i’m not as depressed as i was a couple of weeks ago, because if i were, there’s a good chance that i’d be suicidal by now.

part of the reason i’d probably be suicidal is because of the fact that there’s still no solution in sight concerning my lack of workshop space. moe and i had a "discussion" about it earlier in the week, but what it came down to was that moe wants me to be looking for something more like a shed than a workshop. she suggested a 10×10 foot metal shed with a ceiling that slopes from 8 feet to 6 feet, with no floor, insulation or electricity, which would be almost useless, and when it wasn’t completely useless it would be a major annoyance. we got into a fight because she couldn’t understand why it would be almost completely useless as a workshop, and i was unable to say why it would be because of the fact that, for some reason probably having to do with my injury, i can’t express myself in the way that i used to. before my injury, i’m sure i would have had plenty of explanations for her, but now all i can do is gesture, make unintelligible noises and cry… and mostly the crying is because i know what i want to say, but i am unable to find the words to say it. all i can say is that something is going to have to happen soon, otherwise i am definitely headed for another bout of extreme depression, for which there is no solution in sight.

i managed to make it through one whole week without writing any complaints about majid and his computer idiocy, but that’s primarily because of the fact that his computer idiocy has been limited to his personal computers, and not the ones that i have to use. there’s a pretty good chance that he’s got the sober virus, or something like it, on at least two of his personal computers, but that’s probably because he hasn’t run virus scans on them since before i started working for him. i’m holding my breath, waiting for his virus to latch onto my windoesn’t machine, at which point i’m going to demand a 300% pay raise to do computer and network troubleshooting for him as well as typesetting.

also, it’s been another week of nothing but spam, and that in copious quantities. it’s a "good thing" the government passed the CAN-SPAM act last year… my spam quotient has risen by almost 50%, i hate to think what it would be like if CAN-SPAM hadn’t passed… 8/

204

i wonder how i ever managed to get into the rehab center when i did… if i were trying to get in as an inpatient now, i’d be out of luck. i called them today at the recommendation of the doctor who treated me when i was an inpatient, 2 years ago. after being transferred four times, each by a person who said something along the lines of "we can’t help you at this number, but let me transfer you to a number where there are people who can help you", essentially what it comes down to is that if i don’t have any insurance, they can’t help me… so, my options at this point are 1) forget about counselling and deal with the depression as best i can on my own, or 2) accept counselling from the people who provide it for free as a service to the "down-and-out", winos, drug addicts, derilicts and other ne’er-do-wells. i’m sure the second option is full of well meaning people who will very likely help me somewhat, but i can’t help thinking that i’d get much better counselling, and much better treatment in general if i had insurance…