i applied for my passport (!) so i can go to canadada (!) today. i went at 8:30 this morning, but the office doesn’t open until 10:00, so i took the paperwork and returned home. tried again at 11:00, and actually got in the door this time, but the lady said the name on my birth certificate doesn’t match the name on my driver’s license – well DUH! – and no, my social security card is not enough for the department of clownland security folks, they’ve got to actually see the paperwork, which is buried in one box, presumably in the back of the POD, and they won’t accept my paperwork without it. so i go back home, unpack the whole POD, digging through every box, because i don’t know which one i put it in, freak out, find it, and go back at 12:30… but the person who accepted the application is not the person who has to see the stuff, and according to the person who accepts the application, i won’t actually get the passport and supporting paperwork back for 5 to 6 weeks, unless i want to pay an extra $60 so they will "expedite" it back to me in 2 weeks (meaning that she put it in an express mail folder instead of in the regular mail). finally i raise my right hand and say "yes" when she asks me if all of the information is correct to the best of my knowledge. now the US department of state has my birth certificate and my certificate of name-change, which means that if, for some "god-knows-what" reason i’ve got to prove my identity to someone, i can’t do it… presumably they’re going to mail it all back to me, but with everything else in an uproar, there’s no telling what is going to happen.

we still don’t know whether we’ve got financing for our new house yet, and probably won’t until after the 10th, which is when we have to move out of our current place. the real estate agent says not to worry, but he doesn’t know who he’s talking to here… i’m an expert at worrying… and it’s worse, because i keep wondering what will happen when we’ve moved out of our current place, and then discover that the financing for the new house didn’t go the way we all want it to go, and we end up without a house. everybody says that won’t happen, but i say "why won’t it happen" and so far nobody has an answer to that question. and it’s even more worse because, since my injury, i’ve been worrying about everything a lot more than i used to.

EDIT: i’m fairly sure that this entry by wasn’t meant for me, but i’m not sure… and even if it wasn’t, it’s strangely appropriate to my current condition…


the house is definitely looking like we’re moving at this point: the basement and the back bedroom are empty, the garage is my “staging area” for moving stuff into the pod, so it has been cleared out, but currently has a whole bunch of stuff that has been packed but not moved yet in it, the office has one wall that needs to be finished, but everything else is out, the living room is about half finished, i’m taking ezra’s last bit of stuff to him this afternoon. what remains is the bedroom and kitchen (which get packed at the same time, according to moe’s “secret patented method for moving”), and the computer stuff, which actually gets packed last, because that way they get unpacked first.

we have to move out of our current house by the 10th of may, but we don’t know when we’re going to find out when we can move in to our new house yet, because the financing is still up in the air. the stress is getting palpable.

combine that with the fact that the cirque de flambé has an “international” show (in vancouver, canadada) to do at the end of may, and i haven’t even tried to get into canadada since the fiasco eight years ago which happened because of the fact that my “criminal record” (i was convicted of shoplifting 20 cents worth of candy from a bulk candy bin at the grocery store 15 years earlier) had been expunged and i didn’t know that it mattered… so i ended up having to pay $350 CN (which i didn’t have) for a “humanitarian discretionary entry” in order to get into the country, because it was either that, or forfeit a week’s vacation (which cost significantly more than $350 CN)… i’ll have to remember all my paperwork from that… and i still don’t know whether they’re going to want a passport, or if they’ll just accept my birth certificate and driver’s license… and the fact that i still don’t have a car, so i’ll be relying on someone else to transport me and my stuff.

plus, the only email i have recieved for about 2 weeks (apart from various legitimate mailing-list banter which doesn’t involve me) has been spam… and spam has been REALLY bad the past few days. i’m feeling discouraged and depressed because the only people who want to be in contact with me are ones who are trying to scam me in some way.

I am:

“The Marxists are too reactionary for you. With people like you around, America collectively thanks God for John Ashcroft.”

Are You A Republican?

DAMN straight!

other links:
boom… really!
hallucinogen myths put to rest – see? all the drugs i took in college may have actually been good for me, like i’ve been saying all along!


we are moving some time after 7 may and before 15 may, but we’re not sure of the exact date yet. the basement and the back bedroom are completely clean, i’ve gotten rid of the old futon bunk bed and taken three pickup loads to the dump. i’ve still got the stair climber, the old recliner, an inflatable boat, a box of books and 3 bicycles that need to be donated. all that’s left is the remainder of the garage, the remainder of the office, remainder of the living room, the kitchen and the bedroom, but the last vestiges of the office (the computers) are probably going to be saved until the last possible moment, because they have to be hooked up at the new place first. also, the kitchen is mostly packed already, it’s just a matter of actually putting stuff in boxes. supposedly ezra’s going to come by on friday and pick up the rest of his stuff, but i’m going to see if i can’t arrange to meet him sometime and just take it to him, because it’s getting in the way currently.

the Cirque de Flambé has performances in vancouver bc, the 21st and 22nd. at this point i still don’t have a car, so i’m planning on car-pooling with someone, but i don’t know who yet.

Which famous photographer are you?

Joel-Peter Witkin: Known for photographing human spectacles including hermaphrodites, dwarfs, amputees, androgynes, carcasses, people with odd physical capabilities & fetishists

“When I produce a photograph that totally satisfies, a part of me actually dies. And I think that death is an aspect of myself being burned away or dissolved, because that part of what I had to work out is taken care of.”

Personality Test Results

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

American Cities That Best Fit You:

60% San Francisco
60% Seattle
55% Honolulu
50% Atlanta
50% Las Vegas

i guess it’s a good thing i live in seattle, huh?

Bravehearts in Kilts Against Trouser Tyranny
Vurngicgxef of vmiosgjle jfpoeijd ajbva eemri – which is what i feel like all the time… 8/
it’s the quilt!
our new house which is actually a glorified trailer

NOT for the squeamish!
do NOT click here!
Don’t say i didn’t warn you!

but it’s kinda cool in a weird sort of way

in other news

adobe develops microsoft disease… time to start moving away from adobe applications now, especially on the mac… time to have an Os9.x machine on which you can run freehand, and a W2K machine on which you can run homesite. oh well. competiton was overrated anyway: microsoft has already proved that it’s possible to dominate the market, tell the consumers what they want, and spam them into oblivion, and nobody will care, so why can’t adobe do the same thing?

the enlightened rantings of a brain damaged freak