’57 t-bird golf cart – won’t last long…
drum set made of cheese… i bet it sounds funny…
ask father hardon – now that’s just wrong…
do-it-yourself argument for those of you who don’t have time to get into an argument with someone else…
OFFICIAL ANNOUCEMENT OF THE
PUBLIC RITUAL VEGETABLE SACRIFICE
9 October, 2005, 1:00 pm, eXit-38
now last year, i was _THE ONLY PERSON_ to show up for the public ritual vegetable sacrifice, so unless you have extenuating circumstances that prevent your attending (with the exception of those Tinites who live in other states) i expect to see you in attendance, otherwise bad things could happen… like a cancellation of future vegetable sacrifices all together. you have been warned.
I also understand that when she gets sick, she needs me there even more than usual. But this particular form of sickness is the kind that she will have to admit to first before anyone is able to truly help her.
It is a sickness that is somewhat akin to an addiction. That is something I know plenty about. I was a Chicago Cubs fan for many years…
America’s Battered Wife Syndrome
by Gail Thomas
As a friend of the family I can’t sit back and watch you do this to yourself without saying something. Consider this a long distance intervention.
Your man is no good. He treats you like crap, lies to you, abuses you, bullies you, exploits you, takes your money. As a friend I want to tell you that you deserve better. You deserve a person that treats you with respect, cares about your welfare, and your children’s welfare, but that’s not George and it never will be.
Do you tell yourself that he’ll stop, or that it won’t get worse? He won’t ever stop, every insult, injury and death he has caused are a line that once crossed will never be uncrossed. Forget the dream. You will never have the American dream with George. You have to forget about what might have been, what George might have been, and realise that at the end of the day you are what you do, and look at George’s track record…
Notice how he’s alienated all your friends? Who can blame them, they can’t understand why you stay with him when he treats you like shit and embarrasses you in front of everybody. The more his public behaviour overshadows yours, the more doubt creeps over them, they wonder if they knew you as well as they thought they did. You seem to have changed – if you condone his behaviour- and your silence can create the impression that you do. People are more inclined to take things at face value when they feel alienated. Your friends remember the good times you had together, the heroic battles you fought together, all of the intricate interweavings between their families and yours through time and space. Do you even recognise yourself anymore America? He is a drunken, coke-addled loser and he always will be, you should kick him out of your house today before he can destroy any more members of your family, your history, your culture, before he decimates your bank account so irretrievably that China and Saudi Arabia repossess all your stuff.
YOU CAN DO BETTER! You are an amazing country, beautiful, interesting, funny, positively glamorous, you wouldn’t stay single for five minutes, you know that suitors would be competing for your affections and any one of them would be ten times better than George. And how can you stand his god-awful Stepford’s answer to Marie-Antoinette mother, piping up with another casual atrocity every time she opens her mouth.
Because of George and his friends global warming is now upon us – I know what it has cost your family already, combined with George’s complete uselessness and indifference in a crisis. It would probably now be possible for a mathematician to calculate exactly how much of all of our futures we are losing for every minute you stay with that sick, twisted, idiot.
I see you doing what everyone in your position does – you end up looking to the perpetrator for comfort because theres no one else left, and look at how he reacts for Christ’s sake, look at what he did to New Orleans, and you should know that yet again he did it in front of all of your friends, all of us saw nothing happening whilst thousands died, all of us heard Ray Negen and the president of Jefferson Parish (I must heard him 30+ times now and I still cry every time) and all of us heard George’s bloody mother. We have been trying to help and he won’t let us. We are all appalled and aghast, it breaks our hearts to see him hurting you like this, and you not fighting back, you just take it and take it as it slowly spirals down into the pits of hell. What will it take America, will you let him kill you before you’ll kick him out? This is not rhetoric America, he is killing you every day you stay with him. If I had described your relationship with George to you back when you were still with Bill you never would have believed me. He degrades you in little increments, every day he erodes your assets as well as your dignity, your reputation, your legacy and your life America.
All of our TV crews were rescuing survivors as they filmed the devastation because there was nobody else there to help them, all of us saw the victims being treated like some sudden new insurgency, with suspicion and hostility. Those poor people, the heart & soul of New Orleans, the very people whose culture and history made New Orleans beloved around the world, He just left your brothers and sisters to die. Can you really continue in your relationship with George after this? There is a degree at which cognitive dissonance becomes outright delusion. He is a maniac, he is destroying your life, please, please leave him, just leave him, only you have the power to make it stop.
He is selling out your family business, if you let him continue like this how are you going to live? How are you going to feed your children, what happens if you get ill? Everything he has ever touched has turned to shit, he puts any idiot that’ll kiss his ass into positions of power and New Orleans is the result. Kick him out America! Do it today! I know it feels like you would be leaping into a void, but I promise you, you will be leaping out of one. Your friends will come back as soon as they see you are back to your old self, they really miss you. I know that less than 36% of your heart is still in it. Go with the 67% of you, that 36% is just that vestigial, primitive part of the brain that clings to the familiar no matter how badly the familiar sucks.
It all comes down to you, America. I know no-one likes other people passing comment on their relationships but this is an extreme situation. You are in very real danger, he is hurting you everyday and he is hurting us, your friends as well. But only you can make it stop. We are all rooting for you, although we don’t get to talk to you very often anymore, because he cuts us off from you. We are on your side, we will all be over the moon the day you finally kick him out. You know he really should be thrown in jail for the things he has done to you. Him and all of his gangster friends.
Please, please, do it America, you know I am right. If not for yourself then do it for your brothers and sisters and children. Do it before he kills any more of your family or anyone else’s. We are all really worried for your welfare.
i don’t really feel like updating, but it’s been a week and i’ve got so many links on my desktop that things are getting crowded… 8/
massoud, majid’s brother, the so-called "networking expert", had a question for me today. he was "buying a server system for a company" (God knows who, although i think i have a fairly good idea, and God help whoever it is) and wanted to know what X and O stood for…
i shook off my first inclination, which was to say that X was kisses and O was hugs (although it took longer for me to shake it off than it would have before my injury) and asked him to show me what he was talking about. he took me to his laptop, where he showed me the following, which i have reproduced simply with HTML:
|Windows 2000||Windows ME||Windows XP|
|some server code||O||O||X|
|some other server code||O||X||X|
if he doesn’t know what X and O stand for, i wonder if he knows what ETH0 stands for… 8/
today pete, the other "graphic artist", asked what "operating system" i was using on the PC. i told him that PC has windows 2000 on it, but it was my impression that it and XP were enough alike that it was pretty difficult to get lost. he poked around for a few more minutes and then asked me how to get to web mail… so i showed him that web mail was already started, through firefox, which i chose from the task bar. he was somewhat taken aback and said that he had never used "those extra toolbars" (which come with firefox, not the OS) before…
he’s like my mother-in-law… doesn’t know the difference between an application and the operating system.
we’re running out of room on the web mail server, and majid’s only "solution" has been to install yet another email client to download the messages from a month ago, which he’s too anal to delete. we have three years worth of email in various places on the network because "there are times in this industry when people decide they’re not going to pay for work… we have to protect ourselves…"
we did a business card for a guy who has an office in bellevue and an office in england. the most recent set of changes came in via email this morning, which i printed and added to the job box. the email said that after a change in the phone number, they approved the job to print so that someone could pick up the finished cards on friday. i made the change and output plates for the job. later on, majid yelled at me because the phone number was different from the one on the proof copy that he found inside the box… but he hadn’t seen the change, or the new proof copy, which were stapled together and paper clipped to the work order on the outside of the job box, right in front of him!!!
i worked late today. we were doing 5 business cards for a company whose business card layout was 8 up, in spite of the fact that it could be 10 up, but majid has said that he doesn’t want me to mess around with files that already exist, and this one already existed 8 up, so i left it alone, just duplicated the layers necessary to typeset new business cards. so now the business cards have been approved to print and majid says that the layout is wrong… these cards don’t bleed, so they can be printed 10 up, so i stay late to make the changes, despite the fact that our press operator is going to be gone until monday…
meanwhile, majid, massoud and "mike the idiot" were all in my (very small and cramped) office space trying to get one of mike-the-idiot’s reformatted PCs to work – it won’t boot at all, it just keeps cycling between the POST and trying to load windoesn’t, but never quite gets there. massoud is digging through the guts of the computer on the floor while majid and mike-the-idiot have a conversation about macs and me in farsi. i don’t understand a word of farsi, but i understand when both majid and mike-the-idiot say things like "typesetter" and "graphic artist" and "bruce", all of which they are both saying with great regularity. at one point i get the very strong impression that mike-the-idiot was saying something along the lines of "majid, you’re the business owner… if you say no more macs, use windows, bruce will have to accept it, otherwise he won’t have a job."
now mind you, i don’t understand a word of farsi, so i could be way off base here, but even still… i’m in the room here guys, doing stupid stuff that you didn’t want done originally, but then changed your mind about. if you’re going to have a conversation about me, at least be polite enough take it in the other room, or have it in a language i understand! and for that matter, i hope he does say "no more macs, use windoesn’t" because that will give me the excuse i need to quit right then and there. i’d love to see his face as i punch out and walk away with no notice…
in other news, the fremont philharmonic is playing at the wallingford wurst festival from noon until 1:15 pm, saturday. be there or be oblong.
moe and i went and saw The Bobs perform at the triple door last saturday. i’m still getting over seeing dan bob instead of joe bob, but moe has been a fan for almost 20 years, and she’s seen a lot more bobs come and go than i have. it was cool to see matthew bob after the show, because i work with him now, and he’s famous… 8) somebody in charge of mailing things from the bobs’ mailing list sent me a copy of the 20/20 CD, which was entirely unexpected (i already have one copy of it), but cool in a confusing sort of way.
amusing cthulhu license plate… i wonder how they got it past the virginia DMV?
bush asks condaleeza rice if he can go potty during a meeting of the UN security council…
U.S. CONCENTRATION CAMPS – FEMA AND THE REX 84 PROGRAM
"We finally cleaned up public housing in New Orleans. We couldn’t do it, but God did." quoth Rep. Baker of Baton Rouge
bushy george declared a state of emergency in louisianna before hurricane katrina hit… but he didn’t declare a state of emergency in the parishes that were hardest hit by hurricane katrina until it was all over… WTF?!?
Bush Not Aware That His Own FEMA Director No Longer Works For Him – maybe you know something i don’t… 8/
Halliburton Gets Contract To Pry Gold Fillings From New Orleans Corpses’ Teeth – which sounds a lot more shocking if you don’t realise that it’s from The Onion… 8)
i wonder why i haven’t heard of jeezis-is-lord dot com before? maybe it’s because "THIS WEBSITE IS BEING SYSTEMATICALLY BANNED!"… or maybe it’s just boring and predictable.
this morning i was listening to the radio on the way to work and i happened to hear the fab faux perform “Tomorrow Never Knows”, and an interesting thing happened to me. i actually heard the lyrics in a new way, and instead of going to work thinking that today was going to be a repeat of yesterday, where nothing would get done and i would become even more frustrated with my state as a wage slave, i went into work having “layed down all thought, surrendered to the void” “that you may see the meaning of within”… and i noticed that exactly the same things happened to me today whether i felt that way or not, but because i “surrendered thought” before going to work, i found that majid’s idiocy, which is getting worse and worse as time goes on, didn’t affect me at all…
yes, majid wants me to use a G3 PowerPC that doesn’t have any USB ports while i’m reformatting my G3 imac – in between working on all the jobs that have been piling up for the past week while we battle with a computer network that doesn’t network – which would be good enough if it weren’t for the fact that it has a screen that’s too dark, but he hasn’t made any noises about going to indesign, especially since all of the jobs are located on the network and for some unknown reason, indesign wants things to be local otherwise “bad things”™ happen – crashing with occasional loss of data and/or network – to indesign… but you know, so what? he’s bound and determined to do what he wants to do, regardless of how mind-numbingly stupid it is, regardless of how much i complain, so why should i care? he doesn’t pay me enough to care, so i’m just going to stop.
meanwhile, this is ganesha chaturti, so happy ganesha chaturti everyone!
from the “christians”, another reason not to be “christian”: "god’s" mercy evident in katrina’s wake. meanwhile, senator landrieu implores president to "relieve unmitigated suffering;" end FEMA’s "abject failures".