this…

exactly why i am eternally grateful to whatever force put that brain-injury in my head so that i no longer am forced to put up with this kind of horseshit:

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Client: I want a big image of the director prominently displayed on the main page of the website, front and center, about this size.

Client sends me an 800×600 image of the director in a stern, unsmiling pose, staring straight ahead.

Me: I don’t think that’s a good idea. That image is going to completely dominate the front page and gives a very unsettling “Big Brother” look.

Client: Big Brother? Who is that?

Me: Erm, it’s a reference from a very famous book about totalitarianism.

Client: I don’t know what that means, but I like the term “Big Brother”, it reinforces the “family” feel we are trying to portray. Please go ahead and put the image on the front page. Thanks.

     — Clients From Hell
——

The client wanted an advertising poster done by the 1st of May. I had informed them in advance that I would be gone on holiday in the 1st week of April. This is the phone call I received the evening before I was to depart with still a lot of preparation for the trip that needed to be done.

Client: Listen, you have to help me. There’s been a mistake. The poster has to be finished by Tuesday.

Me: What happened to the 1st of May?

Client: Yeah, you see, I sort of misread my boss’ intentions. Apparently it has to be printed and distributed on that date.

Me: I’m afraid I’ll be on a holiday until Friday, starting from tomorrow morning. I told you this in advance.

Client: Yeah, I know. But it’s not as if you have a stressful job right? I mean, it’s just making some illustrations and adding some text. You could easily do that by the pool or at some table by the bar. If my boss finds out about this mistake I will have a very stressful job.

     — Clients From Hell
——